MOUNT VERNON — Church of Nazarene pastor Bob Weaver’s new book, “A Long Line of Messed Up Fathers and Sons” was published on Aug. 30.
The book travels through the past 120 years of Weaver’s family’s lineage to examine the strained relationships between fathers and sons in order to better understand the lasting impact of growing up in households with physically or emotionally absent fathers.
Readers are first introduced to Weaver’s grandfather, who was born in 1900. He left his wife and failed to develop a positive relationship with his son, Weaver’s father.
Readers next learn that Weaver’s father also left his wife, and failed to develop a relationship with Weaver as he was growing up.
Finally, Weaver also discusses his strained relationships with his step-father and his own son. He reflects on the hopelessness he experienced growing up in regards to his anxieties.
He believes these negative relationship patterns were the only ones he ever knew, hence he would be incapable of ever fostering more positive, supportive relationships with others.
“What we do is when we become fathers, we revert to the only school with the education we have, we revert back to the way our father was, and if that was good, that’s fine,” he said. “But if it was not good, either we will replicate what our fathers did with us and the relationship we have with them, or we will put forth the strenuous effort to make a change and break the mold.”
Weaver also writes about the men he has looked up to as exemplary fathers and sons. Because the men in his immediate family were unable to support him or others, Weaver relied on others in his life to serve as mentors.
He introduces one of his very close friends, a best-selling author, successful pastor, and motivational speaker, as someone who has had a particularly strong influence on his life. Weaver attributes his friend’s excellence to the fact that he had a father who supported and loved him, and shares how upon reflection of this dynamic.
God spoke to him and said, “You didn’t have a father like he had, but you can be a father like he had.”
Weaver explores the significance this moment had on his life, and the changes he made after receiving His message.
Although “A Long Line of Messed Up Fathers and Sons” is primarily about taut familial relationships between men, Weaver noted that women can gain helpful insights from the book as well.
“The moms are going to like reading this book, because they’re also seeing in these characters some of the poor relationships that they have with their immediate family,” he said.
Weaver hopes that this book helps guide men towards better relationships with their fathers and sons and also act as a resource for men who have made mistakes in the past.
He hopes also that with the more people he is able to reach, the greater the number of people will be who are able to experience healthier relationships and ultimately lead better lives.
“We each have a responsibility to try to help the next generation and especially where it’s lacking, maybe to help fill in a little bit especially when there are single homes,” he said.
Knox Community Hospital proudly supports the vibrant pulse of our community by sponsoring the Life & Culture section on Knox Pages, celebrating the stories and experiences that make our region unique.