by Brenda Nixon
You Might be Ex-Amish if . . . Ready for a laugh?
Most of my former Amish pals have a sense of humor. Quick witted. Get a gag. Love to banter. Some have a biting playfulness.
I often remind Josh that I love his witticisms. After all he’s gone through so far, he still sees whimsy in life.
Several months ago, Rosa put out a challenge to members of my former Amish group, “You might be ex-Amish if . . .” Many were too eager to complete this sentence.
Hope these replies give you the giggles or help you understand the life they left.
“You use English n Dutch in the same sentence.” ~Laura
- “The first thing you do when you leave is buy a cowboy hat.” ~Ed
- “You can’t dance.” ~Steve
- “Your ears hurt in the winter because you’re used to having them covered with a scarf.” ~Emma
- “You wear an awkward large belt buckle and have extremely tight jeans.” ~John
- near my front door
- “You look over your shoulder to see if the bishop sees you drinking a beer.” ~Rebecca
- “You’re a diehard fan of Gunsmoke, Bonanza, and Walker Texas Ranger.” ~Paul
- “You only wear dark color clothes and still grow a beard!” ~Al
- “You hide your collection of colored socks.” ~Dora
- “You see a van load pull into Wal-mart and you think, ‘Glad I don’t have to do that anymore!'” ~Esther
- “Instead of saying ‘yes’ you say ‘ya.'” ~Rachel
- “You realize the Amish don’t necessarily go by the Bible.” ~Jonathan
- “You don’t have any baby pictures of yourself…” ~Rebecca
- “Someone says they got a new dishwasher and you instantly think, baby girl.” ~Rebecca
- “You realize the word ‘forenoon’ isn’t proper English.” ~Esther
- “When flipping a light switch fascinates you.” ~Jon
- “You still have coffee soup for breakfast on Sunday.” ~John
- “You make toast in a frying pan!” ~Minerva
- “Discover English women can cook as good or better than some Amish women.” ~David
Did you get the cultural nuances in their sentence? After helping many Amish assimilate to life outside their settlement, I can so relate to these comments.
I’ve lived through Mosie and Monroe sporting a cowboy hat, western shirt, and boots. The roar and rumble of a diesel truck. Blaring country music. Guns and hunting. No offense to those who appreciate these things but, I was raised in the city . . . you get the paradox.
Mosie scared the beejeebies out of my husband and me when he and cousin, Levi, took bullriding lessons!
Then it was their crazy hair trials – buzz cut, a mohawk, a mullet, long, short & spiked, blond, brown . . . all in the first year! My husband and I laughed when Monroe snooped in our bathroom and experimented with hair dye . . . on his eyebrows!
Bottom line: they’re new to our English world. When they bolt out of the Amish, they run into choices. They experience decision-making for the first time. They buck and run wild because nobody tells them what to think and how to live.
Marvin was unfamiliar with his own likes and dislikes. He tried different clothing styles before settling down to his comfort level.
Some of their first-time decisions are crazy but harmless. Some are dangerous and have lifetime consequences.
~~~~~
Brenda Nixon of Mount Vernon has “sons” and a son-in-law from the Swartzentruber Order – along with numerous ex-Amish friends – she says, “They teach me truth about life inside and outside the Amish. Join my cultural learning curve.”
Read Brenda’s blog: http://brendanixononamish.blogspot.com/
