Here is how Mount Vernon people were polite in 1875

MOUNT VERNON — It was 150 years ago and newspaper editors didn’t hesitate to throw their weight around to influence local society.

E.C. Hamilton, editor of the Mount Vernon Republican, started off the local news page of the May 11, 1875 issue of the paper by brusquely saying, “Locals: Clean up your premises.”

He didn’t mind telling people what he thought was good for them. I guess it’s nice to know that the past wasn’t always a cute and perfect place.

Hamilton goes further with a piece that fills up a quarter of a column further down the page, titled “Impolite Things.”

I think we should all measure ourselves against the editor’s precepts, and so, I’ll start.

Loud and boisterous laughing. Oops. OK, I fall foul of this rule on an almost daily basis. There are certain friends with similarly boisterous laughs that I don’t dare attend a comic play with, because I know we’ll disrupt the performance with our guffawing.

I love laughing. Guilty.

Reading where there is talking. Um, well, yeah. If I don’t find the conversation compelling
enough to hold my attention, I will compulsively search for something which will, so I’ve violated this rule many times.

Reading aloud in company without being asked. Most of the time, I would hesitate to force my enthusiasm on others without being invited to do so, but I can’t say I’ve never done it.

Talking when others are reading. If I read while others are talking, I can’t very well rule out talking while others are reading. If it’s only me and the person reading, though, I would try to shut myself up pretty quick, because I know reading is personal space to the reader.

Spitting about the house. Okay, this I don’t do. This rule is almost certainly a relic of the age when chewing tobacco was extremely popular. Public places used to be equipped with spittoons into which chewers could expel their overflow tobacco juice.

It is also said that places where this was common also frequently led to problems with patrons who had bad aim. Restorations of old theaters often run into the issue of having to scrape floors to remove the residue of tobacco juice on the floors. Ew.

At least that’s an issue we don’t have much, any more.

Cutting fingernails in company. I don’t cut my fingernails often in company, though I can’t say I’ve never done it. In my case, the more frequent offense would be nail-biting, because I have a rather nervous disposition. I try not to do it, and sometimes I fail.

Leaving church before worship is closed. I very carefully avoid this offense by not attending in the first place. To put it in the kind of temple that I relate to much more, classical music concerts, I would never leave a concert early. Likewise, if I go to a sports game or almost any kind of
public assembly, I just can’t bring myself to cut out early to try and “beat the traffic” or
something like that. If you’re going to an event, you should commit to being there until it’s over.
Whispering or laughing in the house of God. Welp, I whisper and laugh everywhere I go, so
I’d again fall afoul of Editor Hamilton’s rules. Personally, I think God has a sense of humor: Have you ever looked at a platypus?

Gazing rudely at strangers. Was this a thing in 1875, when the average person walking the streets of a Midwestern town was probably even more likely to be carrying a firearm than today?

I’m pretty sure gazing rudely at strangers would have had even more chance of getting you shot then than it would today, and the odds are already pretty high today.

Leaving a stranger without a seat. Now, this one is good. Unless my attention was distracted by something serious, I’d never remain seated if someone shows up who looks like they’d prefer to sit down. See? I’m not quite as rude as I might first appear.

A want of reverence and respect for seniors. I’ve never had a problem with this one.

Perhaps it’s because I started doing community theater in my teen years. I learned the value of respecting people of all ages.

In theater you have to, for two reasons: 1) They might have something to teach you about performance, and 2) You’d better have a good relationship with them, because if you forget a line on stage, they are going to be the ones who save you.

Correcting older persons than yourselves, especially parents. OK, I’ve had to work on this one over the years.

When you are a smart, bookish young ‘un, with a bursting excitement to share what you know, it can be a default to offer corrections. I learned early on that people don’t like that.

I still have to bite my tongue at times, though I’ve gotten better over the years at finding ways to bring the subject back around and gently deliver what I know about it, in a non-confrontational way. That way, they can either take it, or leave it.

Receiving a present without an expression of gratitude. Good rule. I sometimes get so excited with what someone has given me that I get worried that I haven’t remembered to thank the gift giver.

So, if you do give me something, I’m likely to thank you for it more than once.

Making yourself the hero of your own story. Very rude. Almost as bad as writing a column about etiquette in the 1800s, then making it all about what you think of those rules. How rude.

Laughing at the mistakes of others. I wouldn’t do that in a mean way, generally speaking. Unless it’s national politicians. I’ll laugh at those rascals every chance I get.

Joking others in company. Does he mean making fun of people? That’s obviously rude. Perhaps he just means telling jokes. That can certainly be treacherous.

I’ve been in a lot of situations where someone in a group would tell a joke that was highly inappropriate for the situation, or possibly for some of the people in the group. Read the room, you doofus, before you open your mouth.

Commencing talking before others have finished speaking. Back to being an overenthusiastic child bursting at the seems with things he’s learned.

I’ve had to watch myself my whole life to curb my compulsion to blurt out what I know about a subject. I don’t mean to be rude; I just get so excited to share.

Answering questions that have been put to others. Ditto. Bite the tongue.

Commencing to eat as soon as you get to the table. Torture! That food is calling to me!

Not listening to what one is saying in company. What did you say? I was listening to the food.

So, that’s the whole list. Now that we know what’s rude, I guess we can adapt to Editor Hamilton’s rules and it will solve all the problems of the world. Let us know how you fared with these rules of politeness.